| | TABLE OF CONTENTS: Foreword vii
PART ONE: 1920-1938
1. 'What Are You Really?' 3
2. 'Half Dragged, Half Plunging, so He Sank . . .' 14
3. Herr Kastner: 'To Be Applied to the Soul' 21
4. Reverence for Writ 29
5. Racial Theory 44
6. Several Love Affairs at the Same Time 54
7. My Most Wonderful Refuge - the Theatre 71
8. A Suffering which Brings Happiness 88
9. The Door to the Next Room 98
10. With Invisible Luggage 103
PARRT TWO: 1938-1944
11. Poetry and the War 113
12. Hunting Down Jews Is Fun 123
13. The Dead Man and His Daughter 131
14. From Quarantine District to Ghetto 138
15. The Words of a Fool 144
16. 'If Music Be the Food of Love . . .' 151
17. Death Sentences to the Accompaniment of Viennese Waltzes 161
18. An Intellectual, a Martyr, a Hero 179
19. A Brand-new Riding Crop 176
20. Order, Hygiene, Discipline 183
21. Stories For Bolek 193
PART THREE: 1944-I958
22. My First Shot, My Last Shot 209
23. From Reich to Ranicki 222
24. Brecht, Seghers, Huchel and Others 235
25. Josef K., Stalin Quotations and Heinrich Boll 247
26. A Study Trip with Consequences 261
27. A Young Man with a Massive Moustache 269
PART FOUR: I958-1973
28 Recognized as Germans 281
29. Group 47 and its First Lady 287
30. Walter Jens, or the Friendship 297
31. Literature as Awareness of Life 304
32. Canetti, Adorno, Bernhard and Others 312
33. A Tavern and a Calculating Machine 327
PART FIVE: 1973-1999
34 The Sinister Guest of Honour 339
35. Make Way for Poetry! 344
36. A Genius only during Working Hours 353
37. The Magician's Family 358
38. Max Frisch 367
39. Yehudi Menuhin and Our Quartet 373
40. Joachim Fest and Martin Walser 382
41. 'Tis a Dream ...' 391
42. Thanksgiving 393
Index 395
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